Autistic Maid of Honor...

Hey guys! Sorry that it's been a while since I've been on here. These past few weeks have been SUPER BUSY!! I was getting ready for this week (Finals Week) before I take the Winter Quarter off, and also my sister got married on Saturday. Yep, she got married on Halloween. The colors were white and horizon blue, THANK GOODNESS for that. I had an important role that day. I was the Maid of Honor.
I was so confused when the wedding was approaching as to why she chose me, her Autistic little sister, to be her Maid of Honor when she had so many friends who could easy take that title. My mom told me that it was because I'm her baby sister and that sisters will remain with each other forever, and that she adores me. So, with that answer in mind, I had to figure out how in the world was I going to mentally handle the commotion, the ceremony, the limo ride, the pictures, and, most importantly, the reception.
Those who know me EXTREMELY well know that I can't handle loud noises, loud music, open flames, flashing lights, and commotion.
So, I made the difficult decision to leave my Play-Doh, stress toys, and sketch pad at home. This day was the most important day of my big sister's life, and I did NOT want my Autism to overshadow her and her day. It was about her and what she wanted. I did keep my iPhone and earbuds with me, just in case I needed that escape to my own world to keep me sane and calm.
The rehearsal and hall decorating the night before went pretty well. Then, the day arrived. Wedding day. I knew I had a major job to do to keep my sister proud, and I did not want to let her down. So, we arrived at the church, got my hair and make-up (yes, make-up) done, and I got into my dress. My sister looked so beautiful in her dress and with her hair curled and halfway up. We lined up to walk down the aisle, and my over-emotional self began crying because my big sister is getting married. As the little sister I was, I cried the entire ceremony. On the stage, it was my sister, the groom, the best man, and me across from him and next to my beautiful sister. They poured the unity sand, and they kissed. It was official, they were married. I gained a big brother, but I also gained two little sisters and one KID brother. After the ceremony, we had a receiving line. By the way, it was a family friend of ours who suggested I blog about this whole wedding day experience while talking to her in the receiving line. After that, I grabbed the ever so important limo bag, and the whole wedding party went into the limo. We were all in this tiny space and all crammed up, which kind of made me feel a teensy bit uneasy. Then, we took the outside pictures before it poured and went back to the limo to head back to the reception at the hall. During the ride back, in my mind, I was thinking 'how in the world am I going to get through this? I have to try for my big sister. This day is so important to her, and the last thing I want is for people to go up to my mom asking if I'm okay.' So, I took a deep breath, put my Autism issues aside, and attempted to make it through the reception without wanting to go home.
Well, the important part of the reception went well. I gave my speech, I watched the dances, and I was EATING!! The rest, not so much. I suddenly was triggered by the yelling and the candles on the tables, and being right behind the speakers where music was blaring 300 didn't help much either. I had to constantly tell myself that it wasn't about me and how I felt, it was about my sister, and this was what she wanted. I did manage to catch the bridal bouquet, but gave it to an old woman, and then she gave it back to me, so looks like I'm next. Sorry, mom and dad.
After that, all I kept hearing was 'I want to go home now, my job is done, I'm too overwhelmed, is it almost over,' stuff like that. I'm right now, as I am typing this, crying because I feel bad for even thinking about that. I kept telling myself to try and stay calm. Then, it was over. It was 10:30, 11:00 at night. On the way home, I broke down. I held my meltdown this long and I'm now letting it out. My mom and dad kept telling me I did good with handling myself, but I felt defeated. My Autism won, again. Sometimes I look of Autism as a blessing, but in this case, I looked at it as a curse. Autism got the best of me, and Autism defeated me on my sister's big day. I feel awful just talking about it. I'm still trying to recover from everything, and I feel bad about that too. Being Autistic can be rewarding, but it's also very hard.
I reflect on this day as a day of love, and a day where my Autism was put to the ultimate test. In the end, my sister got married, she's with the man she loves, she's happy, and I did my job wonderfully as the Maid of Honor, and that's all that matters to me. Sending love to all of you, and remember to vote today.