Autism and ADHD At the Same Time?

Back-to-back blog number two today. Yesterday, I talked about the imaginary friend subject.
Today, I'm going to answer the question: do I have ADHD as well?
My answer is yes. I do have ADHD/ADD. My ADHD is a bit more severe than my Autism because I'm a hyper, easily distracted kid. I'll be working on something, and then I'll get distracted by something like a Folger's commercial or a bird flying past my window or something like that. I get so easily distracted that I cannot focus properly and normally. I have the attention span of a three year old. It's bad.
I also have to take a medication every day to help me control it. My medicine helps me a lot. I was asking my mom about this subject, and she said the best thing I've ever said to her is this: "You know how Dad is constantly changing the channel really fast on the TV? If I don't take my pill, I feel like my brain is changing the channel really fast." She said that she explained it in this way to her co-workers at my old charter school, and they were able to understand it more. Not a very bad way to explain what not having my medicine feels like, if I say so myself. This medicine helps me focus and helps me stay not so hyper, and not so loud!
Like I said, I am very easily distracted. I'm also very naturally hyper, which is why it's on a very rare occasion that I drink Mountain Dew. I've even been banned from energy drinks (DARN IT!) because of the amount of caffeine and sugar in them. Having ADHD is really hard when you're like that dog from UP and you see a squirrel. It's like: "La de da, working on the blog, working on the updates, so excited about goi-SQUIRREL! (few second pause) Okay, now where was I?" Some what like that, except, it's not a squirrel every single time. It could be the TV, it could be a noise, it could even be my phone. Either way, that's what my attention span is like without my medicine.
Having ADHD and Autism at the same time is chaos. Absolute chaos. These two things do not go well together. It makes my mental stability worse and my mental capability a bit lower. Even though the downsides are obvious, there is a good side. Having both makes it me be able to help people understand my Autism and ADHD better, and to know how we live and how we do things. In God's eyes, we are all his children and the disabilities and differences don't matter. That's how I view it. That's why I'm here. To help people understand us better. And I'm more than happy and honored to do just that.

My (Imaginary) Squad...

First of all, I don't think I could begin writing this post without sending my thoughts and prayers to Paris, Japan, South Africa, Lebanon, China, Mexico, and Baghdad. They have experienced a Friday the 13th like no other, a day filled with immortality and devastation. I'm asking you not to only pray for these countries, but pray for the world and pray for peace.
Ok, now I have TWO, count them, TWO blogs for you all this week. I was asked about having imaginary friends, but if I also have ADHD too. So, being the person I am and helping you guys understand Autism a little bit better, I am going to deliver.
First up, I'm going to answer the question: Did you have any imaginary friends? And, I answer, without any living doubt, yes. Yes, I did have imaginary friends when I was younger. I had, what's now called, a "squad" of imaginary friends. Seriously, I'd literally ask my mom every night if I can have a slumber party with these imaginary friends. I would talk about them 24/7 as a kid. I'd talk to them and about them at school and I talked to them at home. The imaginary friends I had varies from Nemo, Dora, and Barney (yes, Barney) to girls named Holly, Stephanie, and Maddy.
Again, these people are imaginary, they weren't real. I looked at them and in my mind, they were real. They just had imaginary paint on them and I'd actually be their voices while talking to them. In my mind as a little 10 year old, the imaginary friend concept was still ignored by me and I kept talking to all these imaginary friends, I'd walk with them, and I think an imaginary friend named Ashley taught me a few tips on how to be popular. Yeah, that didn't work out so great. It was on that day, I realized that if you want tips on becoming popular, do NOT seek advice from imaginary friends!
That was then. You're probably wondering, what about now? Do you still? My honest answer to you is yes. I still do. That doesn't mean I've "gone mad" or "mentally unstable" or even "crazy." It just means I still have imaginary friends. I now have a small group of these friends (four to five), are all made up in my imagination, and are with me whenever I'm alone. They're with me right now as I'm writing to you and being as real and honest as I can about this subject.
Here's the thing guys...I'm not crazy. I didn't go mad. I'm just Autistic. I'm a human with TWO worlds; this world and my world. Whenever I'm alone or by myself, I slip into my own world at any given moment, and these imaginary friends are waiting for me to be with them. One of the biggest bits of comfort I find if I'm upset is if I go in my world, and hang out with these imaginary friends, even if it's for five minutes or five hours, maybe even five days. Every day, I talk to them and they bring me a sense of comfort and relief.
Every day, I encounter them, but I've learned to separate them from this world if I am out in public. Sometimes, I often forget that there are people around, and here's this 20 year old talking to someone that isn't there. I get looks and whispers all the time if this happens. Some, unfortunately from adults who do not understand the battle of Autism I'm currently fighting. I'm someone with Autism, trying to find a place in this crazy world, and trying to survive in this world.
Again, as I've said numerous times in numerous posts, it comes down to acceptance, which is why I'm doing what I'm doing. I cannot stress the word "acceptance" enough. The Autism communities around the world need to know they are accepted and feel like they belong. So, please. Accept us.

Don't Think I Can't Hear You...I Can

Time for another post, and this one is, I think, one of the most insightful posts I've ever written since I started this blog back in May.

The topic today is about something I 100% can relate to and to this day, still struggle with, as this individual with Autism. I'm talking about my EXTRA sensitive hearing.

So, as many of you doctors, researchers, parents, and even Autistic people like me may know, Autism partially effects our sensoric parts and components in our brain, making us more sensitive to how we see, how we touch, how we react to certain textures, and most importantly, how we hear. People with Autism, as Elmo puts it (props to Sesame Workshop and Sesame Street for Julia, the first muppet with Autism), have really good hearing, so we hear much more acutely than the average non-Autistic person.

There are so many videos on YouTube to help people better understand, but I figured I'd share what it's like from my own perspective. Let's say I'm upstairs doing homework in my quiet room with soft music playing. Then, all of the sudden, you hear cars passing by. Then, you hear a baby and toddler yelling and crying with the TV on downstairs. And let's not forget the music from the bathroom with the shower head running, the thumping from the dog scratching, and the sirens from THREE, yes THREE, blocks away. Now, take all that and add the ability to try and focus as hard as you can at the same time. See where I'm going with this? In my mind, it starts out with a "I'll just ignore it," and the noises grow more and more and more loud in my mind. With the amount of concentrating and trying to ignore the noises, it gets too much. I lose it. I put my work aside, crawl in this ball, and cry and sometimes, I wail and scream.

I do this because it releases the tension and plus, I can't handle that much noise. I crumble and breakdown like no tomorrow. It's pretty bad. What most people don't understand is how this effects people like me. If they did, then they'd help us instead of judging us. And I get the judgement all the time, even now as I'm older. They give me whispers. They think I can't hear them, but I can, and it hurts. It hurts a lot.

So, THAT, my friends, is the reason why I'm on my phone with my earbuds in my ears when in a restaurant and in the store. It helps me escape from the real world to my world. My world is my calming place and helps me relax and not get worked up in public. I cover my ears when everything gets too loud, which is usually a "Hey, I'm kind of struggling here," sign. I distance myself from everyone and my surroundings, and 65% of the time, I don't even speak at all until I'm stable enough to talk without even thinking about my possible meltdown.

This is how I cope; when I notice it early, I take deep breaths, count to ten, and take a break. If I notice it a little bit later, I take my Play-Doh, and I use that for a little bit until I'm okay. If I notice it a little bit later than that, I start going in my world, which involves me dancing, acting, and singing at the very top of my lungs (I mainly do acapella experimentation, but we're not getting into that), and watching VeggieTales. If I notice three seconds before the meltdown, I realize that I need to let it out, and I do. It's not the way I want to let it out, but it's the way I am, and I love who I am. I just wish I didn't have to wail and scream 65% of the time.

Bottom line: I wish people would try not to look at me like Autism is a disease and that I can control it, when in reality, I can't. Educating people about Autism is the first step to understanding us and become more aware that things like this is WAY beyond our control. That is why I decided to take this job as an author/advocate, to help everyone better understand us so they are not too quick to judge us.

So, don't think I can't hear you, because believe it or not, I can.

Autistic Maid of Honor...

Hey guys! Sorry that it's been a while since I've been on here. These past few weeks have been SUPER BUSY!! I was getting ready for this week (Finals Week) before I take the Winter Quarter off, and also my sister got married on Saturday. Yep, she got married on Halloween. The colors were white and horizon blue, THANK GOODNESS for that. I had an important role that day. I was the Maid of Honor.
I was so confused when the wedding was approaching as to why she chose me, her Autistic little sister, to be her Maid of Honor when she had so many friends who could easy take that title. My mom told me that it was because I'm her baby sister and that sisters will remain with each other forever, and that she adores me. So, with that answer in mind, I had to figure out how in the world was I going to mentally handle the commotion, the ceremony, the limo ride, the pictures, and, most importantly, the reception.
Those who know me EXTREMELY well know that I can't handle loud noises, loud music, open flames, flashing lights, and commotion.
So, I made the difficult decision to leave my Play-Doh, stress toys, and sketch pad at home. This day was the most important day of my big sister's life, and I did NOT want my Autism to overshadow her and her day. It was about her and what she wanted. I did keep my iPhone and earbuds with me, just in case I needed that escape to my own world to keep me sane and calm.
The rehearsal and hall decorating the night before went pretty well. Then, the day arrived. Wedding day. I knew I had a major job to do to keep my sister proud, and I did not want to let her down. So, we arrived at the church, got my hair and make-up (yes, make-up) done, and I got into my dress. My sister looked so beautiful in her dress and with her hair curled and halfway up. We lined up to walk down the aisle, and my over-emotional self began crying because my big sister is getting married. As the little sister I was, I cried the entire ceremony. On the stage, it was my sister, the groom, the best man, and me across from him and next to my beautiful sister. They poured the unity sand, and they kissed. It was official, they were married. I gained a big brother, but I also gained two little sisters and one KID brother. After the ceremony, we had a receiving line. By the way, it was a family friend of ours who suggested I blog about this whole wedding day experience while talking to her in the receiving line. After that, I grabbed the ever so important limo bag, and the whole wedding party went into the limo. We were all in this tiny space and all crammed up, which kind of made me feel a teensy bit uneasy. Then, we took the outside pictures before it poured and went back to the limo to head back to the reception at the hall. During the ride back, in my mind, I was thinking 'how in the world am I going to get through this? I have to try for my big sister. This day is so important to her, and the last thing I want is for people to go up to my mom asking if I'm okay.' So, I took a deep breath, put my Autism issues aside, and attempted to make it through the reception without wanting to go home.
Well, the important part of the reception went well. I gave my speech, I watched the dances, and I was EATING!! The rest, not so much. I suddenly was triggered by the yelling and the candles on the tables, and being right behind the speakers where music was blaring 300 didn't help much either. I had to constantly tell myself that it wasn't about me and how I felt, it was about my sister, and this was what she wanted. I did manage to catch the bridal bouquet, but gave it to an old woman, and then she gave it back to me, so looks like I'm next. Sorry, mom and dad.
After that, all I kept hearing was 'I want to go home now, my job is done, I'm too overwhelmed, is it almost over,' stuff like that. I'm right now, as I am typing this, crying because I feel bad for even thinking about that. I kept telling myself to try and stay calm. Then, it was over. It was 10:30, 11:00 at night. On the way home, I broke down. I held my meltdown this long and I'm now letting it out. My mom and dad kept telling me I did good with handling myself, but I felt defeated. My Autism won, again. Sometimes I look of Autism as a blessing, but in this case, I looked at it as a curse. Autism got the best of me, and Autism defeated me on my sister's big day. I feel awful just talking about it. I'm still trying to recover from everything, and I feel bad about that too. Being Autistic can be rewarding, but it's also very hard.
I reflect on this day as a day of love, and a day where my Autism was put to the ultimate test. In the end, my sister got married, she's with the man she loves, she's happy, and I did my job wonderfully as the Maid of Honor, and that's all that matters to me. Sending love to all of you, and remember to vote today.

Routine, Routine, Routine...

Hey guys! It's me again. And if you are someone who has Autism, like yours truly, or if you're a parent with a child with Autism, then this topic will be very relatable. I'll try my best to keep this as simple and understandable as possible.

Today, I'm talking about routines and how routines affect lives with Autism in the mix. Here's the thing: routine is the MOST IMPORTANT, I repeat, MOST IMPORTANT, thing in an Autistic person's life. Everyone should have some sort of routine, like getting up for work, going to school, eating food, ect., but a routine is what Autistic people depend on to help them learn the basics of living and how to make it through this world. I don't remember having a routine when I was younger, which I'm pretty sure I did, but I think mine was more verbal than visual. I think that has helped me learn how to do certain things by myself. Things like brushing my hair, knowing how to shower/bathe, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, stuff like that.

I do think that Autistic people should have a routine. You know those little lists with the simple shapes and stick figures in a box that Autistic people use? I've used that and trust me when I say this: they help. Autistic people learn and think by using pictures. I feel that I cannot do something unless I have someone show me how the first time. Using pictures and visuals will help the person with Autism better understand the daily routines they have to partake in. It's not only needed at the home, but I strongly feel that this method should be used in schools across America. It will help the children and adults with Autism understand what they need to do, what is allowed in school, what not to do at school, rewards, punishments, what to do during drills, where to go, stuff like that. I also feel like it should be allowed in the workforce, with Autistic adults going to work who need some guidance as to what to do, what not to do, where to go, and stuff like that.

I may be young right now, but throughout my life, I'm going to try to make these last two things happen. It's so crucial for someone with Autism to have a set routine or two. One slight, tiny change will set them off and they go into a meltdown. Trust me, I've done that before and I know what it feels like; it's not pretty. If Autistic children have a routine at home and school/work, it will help them understand and function better.

Well, that's what I have to say on that. I hope I made this as understandable as possible. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog.

Autism And Criticism...

Hey guys, it's me again.

I am coming to you from my bed, and I am so miserably SICK. Yes, you heard me here. I am SICK. I'll be back 100% if I continue to rest before and after classes, and take some cold pills.

Anyway, I wanted to write about this on Friday, but I wanted to hold it off until I had some spare time on my hands.

So, I want to talk about my 2nd least favorite "c" word...criticism.

This word makes me cringe, and when I say cringe, I mean, CRINGE. Cringe like I had just seen a ghost enter inside one of my parent's bodies! THAT cringe. My inner self cringes every time I think of that word. So, here's my issue and problem with this whole criticism idea. Autistic people are twice as sensitive to their emotions. If you guys didn't known already, I'm AUTISTIC! I feel like I'm the type of Autistic person who takes every, little, teeny tiny thing to heart, 99.99999% of the time. So, in my book, if I get criticized for something, you bet I'm going to take it personally.

I've wanted to talk about this since MONDAY EVENING, right after my class. We're working on our first project, and I do everything as I am asked and told to do, and then suddenly, I come to find out I did something wrong! I was so devastated and upset, I was literally texting my mom, ranting my head off. I was actually very proud of it. It wasn't the final, it was just a mock up, but you know what I mean. So, I thought about it for a few days, and I came to realize that me being so incredibly sensitive wasn't working. So, I did the final project over, and I'm going to turn that baby in tonight, knowing that I did the very best I could, and that I worked harder, more neatly, and longer this time.

So, which leaves me answering the question: how should Autistic people handle criticism? Honestly, I do not have an exact answer for this, but luckily for you, I have a few tips. First thing you do (which I am so awful for not even considering doing this), is calm down and TRY not panic. When they see you panic, they're just going to think you can't handle the criticism being aimed at you. You cannot let them see that. The key idea is to look stronger than you already are, even though you're feeling discouraged. To quote the fabulous Clairee from Steel Magnolias: "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." Second thing you do, take deep breaths. While you are taking deep breaths, count to ten in your head. If you can't count in your head, just count in a whisper. Third thing to do, get a drink of water. This helps you cool off and calm way down. Fourth thing you do, LET IT OUT WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME. It's sometimes good to let that anger and discouragement out with a really good cry. I've done this, and trust me, it works. Having a good cry is not a bad thing, just do it at home in your room. Fifth thing, talk to someone. This helps too. I've always been able to talk to my mom or dad if something is wrong. Just don't rant to them. That will only make you feel worse. Sixth thing you do is pray. If you're not religious, pray anyway. Praying helps. It's awesome knowing that God, who made me who I am for a reason, loves me and He will provide comfort for me in any given situation I face. Seventh thing, get up and try again. This was what I did yesterday. I simply said to myself: "I'm not going to stop. I'm going to bust my behind even harder and prove that I am a strong person. I'm going to try and do the best I can, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay, because I know I did the very best I could". So, I hope this helps you guys.

UPDATE TIME: Either Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to be writing a very special blog as a tribute, so stayed tuned for that. Also, guess what game we're going to start playing? The Waiting Game. The time to start anticipating a response from the final publisher I sent a transcript for Meet My Autism begins now. Please pray and hope that my book gets approved for publishing. I'm so nervous, and I hope that this one will bring good news. Also, I'm already starting to plan out a NEW book, and I want YOU, that's right, YOU, to help me determine what type of book I should write next. Do you guys want a teen-aimed book, parent-aimed, child-aimed, chapter book, another picture book for the Meet My Autism series I'm planning to continue on or a new picture book, something that has to do with VeggieTales (hey, I can dream, can't I? Oh, by the way, Robin Good was amazing!! I now own it, and I love it and the message. HIGHLY recommend this one to help handle hurt.), maybe a memoir, a fun children's chapter book, what do you guys want me to do? I want to stay connected with you, so please let me know what book I should do next.

Until Wednesday or Thursday, talk to you guys later! :)

Autism and Hurt...

Hey guys. It's another serious subject today. I'm going to talk about how I deal with hurt. I'm not talking physical hurt, I'm talking mental hurt.
I decided to do this because I actually had a moment on Tuesday. Throughout my life, I've lost people who I really cared about. One day, there were in my life. The next day, they exited out of my life. They even walked out without reason, they just left. I've reached out to those people who walked out and I'm still waiting to hear back. I've prayed they would come back and they're still away.
When this happens, and it will continue to happen, I feel so incredibly hurt inside and bitter. This is something that I just hope no other Autistic individual goes through what I went through. Autistic people are extra sensitive, and that makes the hurt feel even more painful, the bitterness builds up, and we don't know what to do right then and there. It's something that I literally cannot explain. If I could draw some sort of picture right now to try to explain it, I honestly would. But, I can't, so I have to explain the best I can.
Since I'm a person with Autism, I'm going to tell you what makes the pain go away. You know that saying that goes "time heals everything?" That is the BIGGEST LIE you'll ever hear. Time doesn't heal everything, it only makes the pain more easy to deal with, which it does, but the pain is still there. As I've told you all before, I'm a Christian, more specifically, non-denominational. While people have come and gone in my life, I've learned to put my hurt in God's hands. I confide in Him, and I pray that He comforts me and puts His loving hands around me, and he does. I also read my Bible as an extra comfort I can't get from anyone and anywhere else.
I know some of you may not be religious people, so I'm going to give you the simple, every day things I do to help me deal with hurt. Have your Autistic loved one talk to you. If they are non-verbal, have them draw pictures to help tell you what's wrong. I always talk to my mom if I'm hurting, and I talk to some of my friends too. Talking always helps, but something helps even more. Three words: Let It Out. Allow them to cry as long as they need to so they can feel better. That's what helps me a lot. I'd just cry and let everything go, and I'd feel a bit better. I don't recommend this a lot, but in the case of my example, I am. Watch a show that will make them smile. For me, it's VeggieTales. I grew up on VeggieTales, and even at my age, it still makes me smile and laugh. Each one has a different message. If the problem is from bullying, I would watch Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush. The one that solely focuses on handling hurt (that I so desperately want to see) is Robin Good and His Not So Merry Men. I want to watch it so it can kind of help me handle hurt better. The final thing, I know this is going to sound crazy, but still love the ones who hurt you, even the ones who hurt you the most. Matthew 5:44 says "But I tell you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." Not an easy thing, but it helps. It also shows how strong of a person you are by still caring about them.
So, there you have it. Hope you guys liked it.