Traditions, Traditions Everywhere...

Hi, everyone!!

It's been a while since I've wrote on here. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back on here, but my personal life took a huge bad turn. My childhood/church friend, Abby, passed away on November 30th at only fourteen years old. She was an incredible friend, and I'll miss her dearly. To say her passing was a shock is an understatement. Bottom line, the bullying HAS to stop.

So, I made the decision to give myself a temporary break from the blog and social media pages to deal with the loss. Then, the holiday craziness kicked in and I was getting gifts ready and cards sent out. I've been super busy.

So, since I have a few minutes to myself, I thought I'd blog about the Christmas season and my traditions, as well as learning about other holidays and the traditions associated with them.

First, I want to talk about learning about other holidays and their traditions. So, even though I'm a Non-Denominational Christian, I think that as humans, I think it's really good to learn about other holidays. I kind of relate it to my Autism. I mean, I would want people to learn more about Autism to fully understand how I live and act. It's the same concept with that. It's good for Autistic people to learn about other people too, that way, we can understand each other.

So, that's what I'm saying about that. I'm now going to talk about my traditions and how my family and I celebrate Christmas. Every Christmas Eve, we are at my grandparents house who live out of town. I always go a few days early to help them with Christmas Eve (and to make my famous cherry cheesecake). Last year, my Grammie got sick and had to delay Cheistmas Eve. Here's where it was memorable; we went to church on Christmas Eve for the first time. We usually go to a Christmas Eve service a few days earlier. The presence of God filled the room and I felt His presence and love the whole time.

Some things that doesn't change is Sloppy Joe on Christmas Eve, opening the presents from the grandparents on Christmas Eve, and those awesome Christmas Jammie's!! After the Christmas Eve, we head back home and go to bed. I turn on one of the most amazing traditions of all; 24 HOURS OF A CHRISTMAS STORY!!!! Yep, I actually watch that movie over and over again.

Then, Christmas morning! I get really excited for this part. Part of that is my Autism, I get too overly excited about stuff like this. Plus, I LOVE ripping paper. It's really therapeutic.

After that, we relax a bit, eat dinner, then we collapse and relax some more. Everyone sleeps, and I'm like the only one whose fiddling with my presents!

The top things I love about Christmas are really important to me. The first is the true meaning of Christmas. It's celebrating the birth of Jesus, a symbol of God's love for us, who would eventually die a brutal death for our sins and be forgiven and whole with God. The second is being with my most amazing family. God truly blessed me with such wonderful parents and siblings who have my back and stand up for me every day. I love them all.

I wanted to talk about these things because it'll be next year before I get on and blog again. That means I'm giving myself a holiday break. 2015 has been an amazing year, and I cannot wait to see what good and awesome things 2016 will bring me!

So, from my family to yours, have a Happy Holidays and have a very Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year! 

Autism and ADHD At the Same Time?

Back-to-back blog number two today. Yesterday, I talked about the imaginary friend subject.
Today, I'm going to answer the question: do I have ADHD as well?
My answer is yes. I do have ADHD/ADD. My ADHD is a bit more severe than my Autism because I'm a hyper, easily distracted kid. I'll be working on something, and then I'll get distracted by something like a Folger's commercial or a bird flying past my window or something like that. I get so easily distracted that I cannot focus properly and normally. I have the attention span of a three year old. It's bad.
I also have to take a medication every day to help me control it. My medicine helps me a lot. I was asking my mom about this subject, and she said the best thing I've ever said to her is this: "You know how Dad is constantly changing the channel really fast on the TV? If I don't take my pill, I feel like my brain is changing the channel really fast." She said that she explained it in this way to her co-workers at my old charter school, and they were able to understand it more. Not a very bad way to explain what not having my medicine feels like, if I say so myself. This medicine helps me focus and helps me stay not so hyper, and not so loud!
Like I said, I am very easily distracted. I'm also very naturally hyper, which is why it's on a very rare occasion that I drink Mountain Dew. I've even been banned from energy drinks (DARN IT!) because of the amount of caffeine and sugar in them. Having ADHD is really hard when you're like that dog from UP and you see a squirrel. It's like: "La de da, working on the blog, working on the updates, so excited about goi-SQUIRREL! (few second pause) Okay, now where was I?" Some what like that, except, it's not a squirrel every single time. It could be the TV, it could be a noise, it could even be my phone. Either way, that's what my attention span is like without my medicine.
Having ADHD and Autism at the same time is chaos. Absolute chaos. These two things do not go well together. It makes my mental stability worse and my mental capability a bit lower. Even though the downsides are obvious, there is a good side. Having both makes it me be able to help people understand my Autism and ADHD better, and to know how we live and how we do things. In God's eyes, we are all his children and the disabilities and differences don't matter. That's how I view it. That's why I'm here. To help people understand us better. And I'm more than happy and honored to do just that.

My (Imaginary) Squad...

First of all, I don't think I could begin writing this post without sending my thoughts and prayers to Paris, Japan, South Africa, Lebanon, China, Mexico, and Baghdad. They have experienced a Friday the 13th like no other, a day filled with immortality and devastation. I'm asking you not to only pray for these countries, but pray for the world and pray for peace.
Ok, now I have TWO, count them, TWO blogs for you all this week. I was asked about having imaginary friends, but if I also have ADHD too. So, being the person I am and helping you guys understand Autism a little bit better, I am going to deliver.
First up, I'm going to answer the question: Did you have any imaginary friends? And, I answer, without any living doubt, yes. Yes, I did have imaginary friends when I was younger. I had, what's now called, a "squad" of imaginary friends. Seriously, I'd literally ask my mom every night if I can have a slumber party with these imaginary friends. I would talk about them 24/7 as a kid. I'd talk to them and about them at school and I talked to them at home. The imaginary friends I had varies from Nemo, Dora, and Barney (yes, Barney) to girls named Holly, Stephanie, and Maddy.
Again, these people are imaginary, they weren't real. I looked at them and in my mind, they were real. They just had imaginary paint on them and I'd actually be their voices while talking to them. In my mind as a little 10 year old, the imaginary friend concept was still ignored by me and I kept talking to all these imaginary friends, I'd walk with them, and I think an imaginary friend named Ashley taught me a few tips on how to be popular. Yeah, that didn't work out so great. It was on that day, I realized that if you want tips on becoming popular, do NOT seek advice from imaginary friends!
That was then. You're probably wondering, what about now? Do you still? My honest answer to you is yes. I still do. That doesn't mean I've "gone mad" or "mentally unstable" or even "crazy." It just means I still have imaginary friends. I now have a small group of these friends (four to five), are all made up in my imagination, and are with me whenever I'm alone. They're with me right now as I'm writing to you and being as real and honest as I can about this subject.
Here's the thing guys...I'm not crazy. I didn't go mad. I'm just Autistic. I'm a human with TWO worlds; this world and my world. Whenever I'm alone or by myself, I slip into my own world at any given moment, and these imaginary friends are waiting for me to be with them. One of the biggest bits of comfort I find if I'm upset is if I go in my world, and hang out with these imaginary friends, even if it's for five minutes or five hours, maybe even five days. Every day, I talk to them and they bring me a sense of comfort and relief.
Every day, I encounter them, but I've learned to separate them from this world if I am out in public. Sometimes, I often forget that there are people around, and here's this 20 year old talking to someone that isn't there. I get looks and whispers all the time if this happens. Some, unfortunately from adults who do not understand the battle of Autism I'm currently fighting. I'm someone with Autism, trying to find a place in this crazy world, and trying to survive in this world.
Again, as I've said numerous times in numerous posts, it comes down to acceptance, which is why I'm doing what I'm doing. I cannot stress the word "acceptance" enough. The Autism communities around the world need to know they are accepted and feel like they belong. So, please. Accept us.

Don't Think I Can't Hear You...I Can

Time for another post, and this one is, I think, one of the most insightful posts I've ever written since I started this blog back in May.

The topic today is about something I 100% can relate to and to this day, still struggle with, as this individual with Autism. I'm talking about my EXTRA sensitive hearing.

So, as many of you doctors, researchers, parents, and even Autistic people like me may know, Autism partially effects our sensoric parts and components in our brain, making us more sensitive to how we see, how we touch, how we react to certain textures, and most importantly, how we hear. People with Autism, as Elmo puts it (props to Sesame Workshop and Sesame Street for Julia, the first muppet with Autism), have really good hearing, so we hear much more acutely than the average non-Autistic person.

There are so many videos on YouTube to help people better understand, but I figured I'd share what it's like from my own perspective. Let's say I'm upstairs doing homework in my quiet room with soft music playing. Then, all of the sudden, you hear cars passing by. Then, you hear a baby and toddler yelling and crying with the TV on downstairs. And let's not forget the music from the bathroom with the shower head running, the thumping from the dog scratching, and the sirens from THREE, yes THREE, blocks away. Now, take all that and add the ability to try and focus as hard as you can at the same time. See where I'm going with this? In my mind, it starts out with a "I'll just ignore it," and the noises grow more and more and more loud in my mind. With the amount of concentrating and trying to ignore the noises, it gets too much. I lose it. I put my work aside, crawl in this ball, and cry and sometimes, I wail and scream.

I do this because it releases the tension and plus, I can't handle that much noise. I crumble and breakdown like no tomorrow. It's pretty bad. What most people don't understand is how this effects people like me. If they did, then they'd help us instead of judging us. And I get the judgement all the time, even now as I'm older. They give me whispers. They think I can't hear them, but I can, and it hurts. It hurts a lot.

So, THAT, my friends, is the reason why I'm on my phone with my earbuds in my ears when in a restaurant and in the store. It helps me escape from the real world to my world. My world is my calming place and helps me relax and not get worked up in public. I cover my ears when everything gets too loud, which is usually a "Hey, I'm kind of struggling here," sign. I distance myself from everyone and my surroundings, and 65% of the time, I don't even speak at all until I'm stable enough to talk without even thinking about my possible meltdown.

This is how I cope; when I notice it early, I take deep breaths, count to ten, and take a break. If I notice it a little bit later, I take my Play-Doh, and I use that for a little bit until I'm okay. If I notice it a little bit later than that, I start going in my world, which involves me dancing, acting, and singing at the very top of my lungs (I mainly do acapella experimentation, but we're not getting into that), and watching VeggieTales. If I notice three seconds before the meltdown, I realize that I need to let it out, and I do. It's not the way I want to let it out, but it's the way I am, and I love who I am. I just wish I didn't have to wail and scream 65% of the time.

Bottom line: I wish people would try not to look at me like Autism is a disease and that I can control it, when in reality, I can't. Educating people about Autism is the first step to understanding us and become more aware that things like this is WAY beyond our control. That is why I decided to take this job as an author/advocate, to help everyone better understand us so they are not too quick to judge us.

So, don't think I can't hear you, because believe it or not, I can.

Autistic Maid of Honor...

Hey guys! Sorry that it's been a while since I've been on here. These past few weeks have been SUPER BUSY!! I was getting ready for this week (Finals Week) before I take the Winter Quarter off, and also my sister got married on Saturday. Yep, she got married on Halloween. The colors were white and horizon blue, THANK GOODNESS for that. I had an important role that day. I was the Maid of Honor.
I was so confused when the wedding was approaching as to why she chose me, her Autistic little sister, to be her Maid of Honor when she had so many friends who could easy take that title. My mom told me that it was because I'm her baby sister and that sisters will remain with each other forever, and that she adores me. So, with that answer in mind, I had to figure out how in the world was I going to mentally handle the commotion, the ceremony, the limo ride, the pictures, and, most importantly, the reception.
Those who know me EXTREMELY well know that I can't handle loud noises, loud music, open flames, flashing lights, and commotion.
So, I made the difficult decision to leave my Play-Doh, stress toys, and sketch pad at home. This day was the most important day of my big sister's life, and I did NOT want my Autism to overshadow her and her day. It was about her and what she wanted. I did keep my iPhone and earbuds with me, just in case I needed that escape to my own world to keep me sane and calm.
The rehearsal and hall decorating the night before went pretty well. Then, the day arrived. Wedding day. I knew I had a major job to do to keep my sister proud, and I did not want to let her down. So, we arrived at the church, got my hair and make-up (yes, make-up) done, and I got into my dress. My sister looked so beautiful in her dress and with her hair curled and halfway up. We lined up to walk down the aisle, and my over-emotional self began crying because my big sister is getting married. As the little sister I was, I cried the entire ceremony. On the stage, it was my sister, the groom, the best man, and me across from him and next to my beautiful sister. They poured the unity sand, and they kissed. It was official, they were married. I gained a big brother, but I also gained two little sisters and one KID brother. After the ceremony, we had a receiving line. By the way, it was a family friend of ours who suggested I blog about this whole wedding day experience while talking to her in the receiving line. After that, I grabbed the ever so important limo bag, and the whole wedding party went into the limo. We were all in this tiny space and all crammed up, which kind of made me feel a teensy bit uneasy. Then, we took the outside pictures before it poured and went back to the limo to head back to the reception at the hall. During the ride back, in my mind, I was thinking 'how in the world am I going to get through this? I have to try for my big sister. This day is so important to her, and the last thing I want is for people to go up to my mom asking if I'm okay.' So, I took a deep breath, put my Autism issues aside, and attempted to make it through the reception without wanting to go home.
Well, the important part of the reception went well. I gave my speech, I watched the dances, and I was EATING!! The rest, not so much. I suddenly was triggered by the yelling and the candles on the tables, and being right behind the speakers where music was blaring 300 didn't help much either. I had to constantly tell myself that it wasn't about me and how I felt, it was about my sister, and this was what she wanted. I did manage to catch the bridal bouquet, but gave it to an old woman, and then she gave it back to me, so looks like I'm next. Sorry, mom and dad.
After that, all I kept hearing was 'I want to go home now, my job is done, I'm too overwhelmed, is it almost over,' stuff like that. I'm right now, as I am typing this, crying because I feel bad for even thinking about that. I kept telling myself to try and stay calm. Then, it was over. It was 10:30, 11:00 at night. On the way home, I broke down. I held my meltdown this long and I'm now letting it out. My mom and dad kept telling me I did good with handling myself, but I felt defeated. My Autism won, again. Sometimes I look of Autism as a blessing, but in this case, I looked at it as a curse. Autism got the best of me, and Autism defeated me on my sister's big day. I feel awful just talking about it. I'm still trying to recover from everything, and I feel bad about that too. Being Autistic can be rewarding, but it's also very hard.
I reflect on this day as a day of love, and a day where my Autism was put to the ultimate test. In the end, my sister got married, she's with the man she loves, she's happy, and I did my job wonderfully as the Maid of Honor, and that's all that matters to me. Sending love to all of you, and remember to vote today.

Routine, Routine, Routine...

Hey guys! It's me again. And if you are someone who has Autism, like yours truly, or if you're a parent with a child with Autism, then this topic will be very relatable. I'll try my best to keep this as simple and understandable as possible.

Today, I'm talking about routines and how routines affect lives with Autism in the mix. Here's the thing: routine is the MOST IMPORTANT, I repeat, MOST IMPORTANT, thing in an Autistic person's life. Everyone should have some sort of routine, like getting up for work, going to school, eating food, ect., but a routine is what Autistic people depend on to help them learn the basics of living and how to make it through this world. I don't remember having a routine when I was younger, which I'm pretty sure I did, but I think mine was more verbal than visual. I think that has helped me learn how to do certain things by myself. Things like brushing my hair, knowing how to shower/bathe, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, stuff like that.

I do think that Autistic people should have a routine. You know those little lists with the simple shapes and stick figures in a box that Autistic people use? I've used that and trust me when I say this: they help. Autistic people learn and think by using pictures. I feel that I cannot do something unless I have someone show me how the first time. Using pictures and visuals will help the person with Autism better understand the daily routines they have to partake in. It's not only needed at the home, but I strongly feel that this method should be used in schools across America. It will help the children and adults with Autism understand what they need to do, what is allowed in school, what not to do at school, rewards, punishments, what to do during drills, where to go, stuff like that. I also feel like it should be allowed in the workforce, with Autistic adults going to work who need some guidance as to what to do, what not to do, where to go, and stuff like that.

I may be young right now, but throughout my life, I'm going to try to make these last two things happen. It's so crucial for someone with Autism to have a set routine or two. One slight, tiny change will set them off and they go into a meltdown. Trust me, I've done that before and I know what it feels like; it's not pretty. If Autistic children have a routine at home and school/work, it will help them understand and function better.

Well, that's what I have to say on that. I hope I made this as understandable as possible. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog.

Autism And Criticism...

Hey guys, it's me again.

I am coming to you from my bed, and I am so miserably SICK. Yes, you heard me here. I am SICK. I'll be back 100% if I continue to rest before and after classes, and take some cold pills.

Anyway, I wanted to write about this on Friday, but I wanted to hold it off until I had some spare time on my hands.

So, I want to talk about my 2nd least favorite "c" word...criticism.

This word makes me cringe, and when I say cringe, I mean, CRINGE. Cringe like I had just seen a ghost enter inside one of my parent's bodies! THAT cringe. My inner self cringes every time I think of that word. So, here's my issue and problem with this whole criticism idea. Autistic people are twice as sensitive to their emotions. If you guys didn't known already, I'm AUTISTIC! I feel like I'm the type of Autistic person who takes every, little, teeny tiny thing to heart, 99.99999% of the time. So, in my book, if I get criticized for something, you bet I'm going to take it personally.

I've wanted to talk about this since MONDAY EVENING, right after my class. We're working on our first project, and I do everything as I am asked and told to do, and then suddenly, I come to find out I did something wrong! I was so devastated and upset, I was literally texting my mom, ranting my head off. I was actually very proud of it. It wasn't the final, it was just a mock up, but you know what I mean. So, I thought about it for a few days, and I came to realize that me being so incredibly sensitive wasn't working. So, I did the final project over, and I'm going to turn that baby in tonight, knowing that I did the very best I could, and that I worked harder, more neatly, and longer this time.

So, which leaves me answering the question: how should Autistic people handle criticism? Honestly, I do not have an exact answer for this, but luckily for you, I have a few tips. First thing you do (which I am so awful for not even considering doing this), is calm down and TRY not panic. When they see you panic, they're just going to think you can't handle the criticism being aimed at you. You cannot let them see that. The key idea is to look stronger than you already are, even though you're feeling discouraged. To quote the fabulous Clairee from Steel Magnolias: "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." Second thing you do, take deep breaths. While you are taking deep breaths, count to ten in your head. If you can't count in your head, just count in a whisper. Third thing to do, get a drink of water. This helps you cool off and calm way down. Fourth thing you do, LET IT OUT WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME. It's sometimes good to let that anger and discouragement out with a really good cry. I've done this, and trust me, it works. Having a good cry is not a bad thing, just do it at home in your room. Fifth thing, talk to someone. This helps too. I've always been able to talk to my mom or dad if something is wrong. Just don't rant to them. That will only make you feel worse. Sixth thing you do is pray. If you're not religious, pray anyway. Praying helps. It's awesome knowing that God, who made me who I am for a reason, loves me and He will provide comfort for me in any given situation I face. Seventh thing, get up and try again. This was what I did yesterday. I simply said to myself: "I'm not going to stop. I'm going to bust my behind even harder and prove that I am a strong person. I'm going to try and do the best I can, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay, because I know I did the very best I could". So, I hope this helps you guys.

UPDATE TIME: Either Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to be writing a very special blog as a tribute, so stayed tuned for that. Also, guess what game we're going to start playing? The Waiting Game. The time to start anticipating a response from the final publisher I sent a transcript for Meet My Autism begins now. Please pray and hope that my book gets approved for publishing. I'm so nervous, and I hope that this one will bring good news. Also, I'm already starting to plan out a NEW book, and I want YOU, that's right, YOU, to help me determine what type of book I should write next. Do you guys want a teen-aimed book, parent-aimed, child-aimed, chapter book, another picture book for the Meet My Autism series I'm planning to continue on or a new picture book, something that has to do with VeggieTales (hey, I can dream, can't I? Oh, by the way, Robin Good was amazing!! I now own it, and I love it and the message. HIGHLY recommend this one to help handle hurt.), maybe a memoir, a fun children's chapter book, what do you guys want me to do? I want to stay connected with you, so please let me know what book I should do next.

Until Wednesday or Thursday, talk to you guys later! :)

Autism and Hurt...

Hey guys. It's another serious subject today. I'm going to talk about how I deal with hurt. I'm not talking physical hurt, I'm talking mental hurt.
I decided to do this because I actually had a moment on Tuesday. Throughout my life, I've lost people who I really cared about. One day, there were in my life. The next day, they exited out of my life. They even walked out without reason, they just left. I've reached out to those people who walked out and I'm still waiting to hear back. I've prayed they would come back and they're still away.
When this happens, and it will continue to happen, I feel so incredibly hurt inside and bitter. This is something that I just hope no other Autistic individual goes through what I went through. Autistic people are extra sensitive, and that makes the hurt feel even more painful, the bitterness builds up, and we don't know what to do right then and there. It's something that I literally cannot explain. If I could draw some sort of picture right now to try to explain it, I honestly would. But, I can't, so I have to explain the best I can.
Since I'm a person with Autism, I'm going to tell you what makes the pain go away. You know that saying that goes "time heals everything?" That is the BIGGEST LIE you'll ever hear. Time doesn't heal everything, it only makes the pain more easy to deal with, which it does, but the pain is still there. As I've told you all before, I'm a Christian, more specifically, non-denominational. While people have come and gone in my life, I've learned to put my hurt in God's hands. I confide in Him, and I pray that He comforts me and puts His loving hands around me, and he does. I also read my Bible as an extra comfort I can't get from anyone and anywhere else.
I know some of you may not be religious people, so I'm going to give you the simple, every day things I do to help me deal with hurt. Have your Autistic loved one talk to you. If they are non-verbal, have them draw pictures to help tell you what's wrong. I always talk to my mom if I'm hurting, and I talk to some of my friends too. Talking always helps, but something helps even more. Three words: Let It Out. Allow them to cry as long as they need to so they can feel better. That's what helps me a lot. I'd just cry and let everything go, and I'd feel a bit better. I don't recommend this a lot, but in the case of my example, I am. Watch a show that will make them smile. For me, it's VeggieTales. I grew up on VeggieTales, and even at my age, it still makes me smile and laugh. Each one has a different message. If the problem is from bullying, I would watch Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush. The one that solely focuses on handling hurt (that I so desperately want to see) is Robin Good and His Not So Merry Men. I want to watch it so it can kind of help me handle hurt better. The final thing, I know this is going to sound crazy, but still love the ones who hurt you, even the ones who hurt you the most. Matthew 5:44 says "But I tell you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." Not an easy thing, but it helps. It also shows how strong of a person you are by still caring about them.
So, there you have it. Hope you guys liked it.

Using Pictures To The Advantage

First off, I want to wish a Happy Labor Day to everyone! Have an awesome day today with friends and family.

Now, I had another blogger's block (which is always fun...NOT), and I was trying to figure out what I should talk about next. I finally came up with a topic that I know a lot about: pictures.

Pictures are my favorite "P" word. That's because that's how I think and learn best. I think, learn, and understand better using pictures. Pictures are so incredibly important to any Autistic person, especially those who are non-verbal. It's a part of how we understand and how our brains receive information and how messages are sent to our brain. It's sounds complicated, but it works. I need pictures to understand and I need someone showing me how to do something to get the gist of it.

I've been able to learn how to control myself in a public place and how to do mainly the basic necessities by using pictures. Autistic children learn through pictures, and that's what prompted me to write my book, Meet My Autism. I used mainly pictures to help everyone understand how we think and learn.

So, that's my blog for today! Let me know what you want me to talk about next! Have a good one, guys.

Bullying and Autism

Hey guys. Since schools have officially started, I wanted to talk about bullying. I'm sorry that this is a more serious blog, but I feel that this has to be addressed, and this can't wait until October. I'm not sugar coating this either, I'm going to be as realistic and honest as possible.
OK, here's the reality: bullying happens. Autistic kids and teens do have a 50/50 chance of being bullied, even though most likely, they will. I'm not trying to be discouraging or mean, I'm telling you this because I was bullied from preschool all the way up until my last semester of senior year. I know how it feels and what it is, and that's why I'm being honest and I'm going to give some insight and advice.
The reason why bullying happens to EVERYONE, not just Autistic people like me is because sadly, there are mean and cruel people in this world. Some people want to feel more proud of themselves, and they go so far as to picking on people to feel that way. Why bullying happens to Autistic kids, teens, and young adults, I have no idea. All I know is that it's not only mean, it's sickening in my opinion.
Kids have called me "stupid", "dumb", "weirdo", "cry baby", "sensitive", and the r-word that I still cringe at to this day: "retard". Just repeating the hurtful words they've called me still hurts. I was also poked at, laughed at, picked on, and I was even shoved and pushed. It brings back bitter memories I long to have erased from my mind. I still remember the taunts, and the whispers from actual grown-ups, and the jokes. I don't understand WHY it happens, all I do know is that it does. People don't understand how much we hurt because we are extra sensitive. People don't know what we go through every day, living the life we live with the Autism we didn't choose to have. Again, we need more knowledge, more acceptance. I think if people can see how we function and how extraordinary we are, they would be more understanding, and more accepting, and less mean.
So, I'm going to leave you with some advice today:
To the bullies: Why? Why choose those who are obviously weaker than you? It's not right, it's rude. It's cruel. Bullying someone doesn't make you any more of a bigger person, it makes you less of a person because instead of being a buddy, you chose to be a bully, and that's just mean. My advice to you, specifically is to educate yourself on Autism. Ask grown-ups about it, read books, watch documentaries and movies, whatever you need to do to learn more about Autism and what we go through, do it. We don't want your cruel and mean bullying anymore, and we will not have it. I'll be praying for you.
To the parents of the Autistic kids and teens getting bullied: Keep doing what you're doing. Keep talking to them. Keep loving on them. Keep making them feel better. Your love and support is all they need to feel better and feel okay. I'm no parent expert or a Ph.D or something like that, but ensure your child that even though it's said doesn't make it true. Remind them that bullies are just mean, and to not mind what they say, even though it can be tough to do.
And lastly...
To the Autistic kids and teens, and every child and teen for that matter, who are bullied: Don't give up. Don't pay them any attention. That's what bullies want. You may not know it, but you are such strong people and you can do anything you set your mind to. Write in a journal, or the #1 best thing you can do is talking to someone about it. Whether it be your parents, friends, or a grown-up, I found that doing that has helped me cope the best. Another thing that has helped me is praying. I encourage you to pray, even if you aren't religious. Just know that even though they say mean things about you doesn't make it true. They just don't know anything about you. Also, be kind to them, that's what's going to make them stop. And remember, stay strong and never give up.

Life, Love, and Autism...

SO, I've been on a blogger's block for a while, but I'll have a few posts for you this week, since today is my first day of a la escuela. So, I'll be on my computer a while.
I've posted on Instagram about what YOU want me to talk about, and a mom came forward and asked that I write about how I feel about love and life. So, I'm here to deliver.
So, I have been in a relationship when I was 13, and that only lasted for two months. Since 2009, I've been single. Yep, I'm still single. I think boys just don't want to date me, which I cannot understand. As someone with Autism, I am a VERY picky and needy person, I always go into my own world at some point every day, I have meltdowns from time to time, and I can't stay out in public for a long time because of the many noises and sights that would shut me down. Yes, that's true. But, I'm also a funny, sweet, caring, and enjoyable girl, and all they see is my Autism. They push themselves away before getting to actually know me, which hurts more than not having a boyfriend. I am also a God seeking and God fearing girl as well. I've learned to trust in his timing and He'll send the one He picked for me when the time comes. That being said, I do see myself getting married to Mr. Right one day, and ADOPTING my children. I'm all about adoption because #1, I have a very high pain tolerance, and childbirth looks very painful. And #2, there are children who want a good home with parents who'll love and care for them, and I'm more than willing to do that for a few of them. Who knows? I'm leaving it up to God and His timing. So, that's my stance of love and romance.
Now, onto life. I'm now 20, which is the age that young adults are living in dorms, and drive, and have jobs, and live on their own. But I'm also Autistic. I don't drive, I don't live in dorms, I don't have a job (well, with my book and all this advocacy, I guess that classifies as a job), and I'm not living on my own. But I can vote (PLEASE VOTE IN THE 2016 ELECION, YOUR VOICE MATTERS)! Other than that, I have to rely very highly on my parents. I rely on them for food, clothes, transportation, money, and a roof over my head. Some Autistic people are on their own, which I've always dreamed about. I just don't feel I'm ready to venture out into the world on my own just yet, and my parents feel the same. Because the discrimination of people with Autism, Asbergers, Down Syndrome, and other learning, cognitive disorders is brutal. We might get a job, since the National Americans With Disabilities Act passed in 1990, but people give us looks, and whispers, and judge how we do things, which makes it so hard. Plus, if we get too overwhelmed, we get tense and don't do anything, which causes more people to judge, which makes it worse.
 I say this a lot, but with Autism, everything comes down to ACCEPTANCE. I cannot stress this word enough. Acceptance is the KEY word when it comes to Autism. Accepting us with Autism for who we are is something we all need to do. If I can do it and YOU can do it, so can everyone else. So, accept others for who they are on the inside and not on the outside is the main message here.

Tips for Traveling...Away From Home

Hey, it's me. I'm BAAACK!!! I really wanted to do this topic in May, but I wanted to wait to see when the timing was convenient. And, since I'll be doing this sometime this week, I figured now was the time to discuss it, even though it's back-to-school season. Today, I wanted to talk about Autism and traveling, and how I cope with the stress, the changes that really only last a few days, and homesickness.
OK. So, my grandparents invited me to stay with them for a few days this week to celebrate my birthday, which is the 10th of this month. This has been a tradition for me since I can remember. They also live out of town, which is forty five to about fifty five minutes tops away from me, so they don't see me often (well, in the summer they do because of my dad's racing photography every Saturday). So, every year, either on the weekend of my birthday, or the week before, they invite me over for a few days so I can celebrate my special day with them.
Like I said, they live a bit far from me and my house. Before I leave and before I begin picking out clothes and things to bring with me, I wanted to share with you Autism moms and dads out there what I do to help with packing and coping. This particular topic is another reason why reading an Autistic girl's blog comes in very handy. I'm just going to say it: packing is super stressful for me, even for the few day trip to the grandparents' house, because I'm the type of person who doesn't know what they want to bring or what they don't want to bring. Fortunately, I found a great way to help me handle that, since I'm the type of Autistic person who does not handle stress too well. One word: organization. Yes, you heard me right. Organization is not one of my excellent qualities, but being organized and planning a few days ahead helps me best. I would start packing the things I REALLY need to bring, like clothes, toothbrush and toothpaste, etc. two days before, or the night before. Then, a few hours before I leave, I pack the movies and DVDs I want to take with me, some things to do, and a stuffed animal, or in my case, three. So, pack a few days ahead, and you'll be sure you have all the things you need to bring, and the things you want to bring.
Being in a different setting for a few days can be a small adjustment to scheduling and routine, but it can also cause homesickness. I'm the type of person who gets homesick, VERY easily. So, if your Autistic child tends to get homesick easily like myself, here's what I do. First, I take a few stuffed animals from home, three being the maximum, so that I can have a piece of home from me when I go to bed. Next, during the day, I do something that I like to do to help make the time go by faster, like working on my Rainbow Loom while watching my wrestling DVDs. You might like to do something else, like go to the park, or go run errands, go to the museum, go see a movie or two, watching the same show or DVD over and over again, playing a game, something like that to keep the child occupied so the time goes by quicker. Also, communicate with your child. I use messaging with my mom with my iPod since I can't text out where my grandparents live. I always try to keep some things until I am reunited with my parents to tell all to them, but there are also times where I don't tell them everything. This is because sometimes, what happens at Grammie's stays at Grammie's. Communication also keep up with my family. I tell you, what wondrous things social networking and modern day technology are.
So, those are my tips to deal with the travel shebang! I'll talk to you guys later.

Trying New Things and Coping With Change

Ok, guys. I've officially recovered from the Independence Day weekend. It was a fun weekend and I got to see loads of fireworks! I was with family out of town and I've been back since Sunday. Toledo's Red, White, KaBOOM! firework show was so massive, it felt like we were driving in fog at around 1:30, 2:00 in the morning Sunday! It must've been a great show.
Anyway, I wanted to give you guys the blog I promised you I'd give you last Friday, but as I said, I was with family out of town for four days. I wanted to talk to you about two topics that everybody struggles with, but Autistic people seem to struggle with a bit worse (I'm a nineteen year old with Autism, so I've got a glimpse of how regular people and Autistic people deal with these issues). Those issues are trying new things and coping with change.
First, I want to talk about trying new things. I've tried numerous different things, like activities and FOOD, my whole life. I've always seemed to struggles with trying things that are new. For example, when I was in eighth grade, I went to Camp Marengo. One stormy night, they had chicken with sausage gravy. I had to take the plate because I do not like peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I was hungry, and I had to eat. I ended up eating, and I discovered it didn't taste that bad. I've tried different foods my whole life. Some were good, most were bad. As an Autistic person, it's hard to open myself to trying new things because of the fear of failure. I've got a more recent example, and by recent, I mean the past week. I've been watching YouTube baking videos from Rosanna Pansino, KawaiiSweetWorld, and Cupcakes Cookies and Cardio. They inspired me to take up baking as a personal hobby. Before I watched their videos, I did NOT wanted anything to do with it, because if I didn't like it, I ain't making it. So, I tried it. I baked for a week. I have to say, it was actually fun. I actually enjoyed it! I just had to let go of the fear and negativity that was holding me back.
The same fear and negativity concept applies to the "c" word, change. Change is not my friend. Autistic people seem to do things every day like a routine. Some days, their routine is different than the rest of the days. They adapt in this routine that if one little thing changes, let's say last minute trips to the store, or a last minute visit to a family member's house, it screws the routine up, and the Autistic person doesn't know what to do and their mind is all over the place. It gets to a point where they freak out (again, I'm Autistic, and I've been there on a huge number of occassions) and they are confused, upset, and scared. The routine is like clockwork for them, and one little change, they get upset. This is because change is new. Autistic people are more comfortable with the old than the new. Change can be scary, but my mom had to help me step out of my comfort zone, and she had to help me embrace the changes going on around me. Change happens, you cannot stop it. But you can try to help the Autistic person you know embrace change as a good thing. Inform them on all the positives, NOT the negatives. I know, you're probably wondering why I just said that. That's because if you do tell them about the negatives before hand, that will make them feel more upset and more afraid than before. I had to embrace the change of going to college, and I'm trying to embrace the big changes in my life as I turn 20 August 10th, trying to get the book published and out by late summer, mid to late fall, my second job as an advocate for Autism, weddings, parties, more nieces and/or nephews in the future, getting NEW glasses after FIVE YEARS tomorrow. I don't adjust well to change, but as Eric Idle said: always look on the bright side of life (da da, da dum, da dum, da dum), always look on the bri...just had myself a little sing along going on there. There's always a good thing that can occur during change. Just look on the good side of things, and let that negativity and fear go. You'll be alright, I promise.
That's what I wanted to talk about today. Hope you guys enjoyed reading it.

Echolalia and Special Attachments?

Sorry I haven't been on here blogging lately. I've been super busy running around all last weekend. Also, I was enjoying my summer vacation, and looking for a publisher to publish Meet My Autism.
I was asked by a mother whom I've been talking to quite a bit if I have any echolalia and/or special attachments to anything. So, I'm going to start this week off with this subject.
For those who don't know, Echolalia is when an Autistic child repeats what is being said to them or what they hear. For example, a person may say; "Why don't you go over there and ask politely for a turn?" And the autistic child would say; "Okay, I'll go over there and ask politely for a turn." Things like that, or movie quotes. I do recite a few movie quotes here and there when I'm by myself, but I do NOT have echolalia. I'm more of the "Okay, mom," "Okay, dad," and simple answers type of girl. I don't repeat movie quotes unless I'm in my room all by myself. That's all part of my own world. I didn't put it in quotes because I LOVE my own world. I'm always acting out my own every day adventures, and I truly am in my own state of peace in my own world. My world is a place for comfort, peace, and fun (I just noticed I went off track. I'l make a separate blog post about my world in a few...).
As far as special attachments, up until I was 11, I was way too overly attached to the famous purple dinosaur, Barney. Yeah, I was obsessed with Barney for the first eleven years of my life. I also liked VeggieTales a lot, too. I still have an attachment for sleeping with a stuffed animal at night. Reason being is because every time I do sleep with a stuffed animal at night, it just feels so right and so comforting, I don't exactly know why, it just does. I'm also have grown quite attached to my home, which might explain why I get so easily homesick if I'm away for more than 7-8 days. My mom will say that I'm VERY attached to my iPod because I'm always on it, and I agree with her. I had this doll of Molly from The Big Comfy Couch when I was little, and I took her everywhere around my house. One day, Molly was gone, and I was so upset. That was the start of learning something very valuable; sometimes you just need to let go. As I got older, my Barney toys were donated, most of my toys are in the attic (except a few dolls AND my Care Bear collection), clothes donated (some I really was attached to), and in their place came more things that seemed more appropriate for my age. The attachments I did end up giving away was really hard to let go. One attachment that I have still to this day from when I was six is Jesus Christ in my heart and in my life. That is one attachment I'm keeping forever.
So, that's what I have to say about this topic. Hope you guys liked reading it.

Seventeen Years Since...

I've been trying to hold this post off until the date of my actual 17th Anniversary I was officially diagnosed, but I honestly don't remember the actual date. I only remember June 1998. So, I decided that today would be a perfect time to reflect back on a lot of things that happened over the past 17 years. I'm going to reflect on the memories of that hot, June day I was diagnosed, the things I've accomplished, the things I still have yet to accomplish, and where I'm going from here.
But first, let me give you a little background story that started ten months before the diagnosis.
The incident happened at my second birthday party in August 1997. You'd think that a regular two year old would be more than overjoyed about everyone singing to him/her and them making that all-important birthday wish. I wasn't. When the cake was brought out to me, I was so scared. I still have the horrific image of those two flames so close to me in my head. I crawled away as fast as I could. So, mom came in and offered me a present. In my mind, I automatically jumped to the accurate conclusion that if there were presents, there was cake, and if there was cake, there was fire. So, I threw the present away from me and that gift hit the wall. That must've been a point where my mom began to worry if something was wrong.
Here's where all the reflecting begins.
After that incident came many more. I would throw tantrums at the grocery store and my mom didn't know why. So, after ten months since that first sign, mom made the appointment for us to see a doctor to figure out what was going on. In June 1998, I still wasn't talking. I still wasn't walking. I still wasn't potty-trained. I had to be carried everywhere. We went into the office. I don't remember all the questions asked and the answers my mother gave. He told her that I had Autism. She must've been so confused and worried for my well-being and development. He explained to her that it's a developmental disability located in my brain. He went on to tell her that I would never walk and that I could never talk. She was told I would remain in diapers. He suggested that an institution (nursing home) was the best possible option for me. This is the part where I remember the most from that day. My mom stood up, looked that man straight in the eye and said this: "I don't care. She's my daughter, and I'm keeping her. I'm going to raise her and teach her. I'm keeping her and I'll do anything to help her." That was the first time out of many, many times my mother stood up for me. The doctor who helped my mom a lot said to lock me in my bedroom, and she moved to Columbus.
The key thing my family did to help me was praying. We are a family of faith and we are a Christian family, so they just prayed for me that I would get better. My mom and dad prayed for me every single night. At age three, I began to walk. In December 1999, I spoke my first words: "I love you, mommy." Around that same time, I was potty trained.
I went to normal schools, I started making friends (which ended up taking a while as I explained in my post "When I Was In School..."), I was doing average in school. It wasn't until I was in high school when I began asking questions to my mom. I felt so different and alone, that in November 2011, I developed a brief depression. Having depression was not fun, and I knew God would not wanted me living that way after all He has done for me and all He has blessed me with. After three or four months, my depression went away.
That was a time I realized that I need to set my focus more on my goals. In May 2012, I went from an IEP to Section 504, graduated high school, got accepted into college, I'm getting good grades in college (only one C of all the grades I'v gotten), and I've made The Honors List Twice, The Dean's List once, and The President's List twice.
It wasn't until January 2015 in my Child Psychology class where I was assigned to do a presentation and paper about Autism where I realized that this could be my chance to show my true colors. By the end of winter quarter, I now understood and realized why God gave me my Autism. To educate people about it and help parents by providing an insight so valuable. I decided that my second job next to Graphic Designer is Autism Advocate. I made a public Instagram profile, Twitter page, and Facebook page to connect with people. From this, I've made a friend who also has Autism and has almost the same interest as I do, as well as help provide insight to a mother for her daughter. I spoke publicly about my story and my faith for the first time on April 19, 2015. I was told throughout my life that I should write books about Autism for parents, teens, and children alike. So, I started right around February 2015, and I was completely finished in April 2015. It's called Meet My Autism. It's written by me, someone with Autism, who has used NO medical research or medical professionals at all. All information is all from my experiences and observations, and how I act. I figured that a book with only the view of someone with Autism would be so valuable. I'm still trying to find a publisher for the children's book, but I may begin writing another one over my summer break.
I've accomplished so much over the past seventeen years, but I still have plenty more left to accomplish. I'm still paranoid of bees and wasps. I still don't do the birthday cake at my birthday parties, and I go in another room if I'm at a birthday party when it's time for cake. I still get over whelmed by big crowds, loud noises, flashing lights, and I still cant fully handle a trip to the grocery store. I still have my moments where I laugh at things that aren't supposed to be funny, I have a weird sense of humor, and I have mental overloads frequently, as well as a normal meltdown sometimes. I still have a long way to go. There still so much work to do. But I'm going to spend my life with Autism trying to help people and provide a voice and advice that only an Autistic person can give. My only hope is that YOU guys can join me on this incredible journey.
Happy 17th Anniversary, Autism. Thank you for giving me the voice, creativity, and the personality that has shaped who I am. Here's to eighteen more years.

The "S" Word...STRESS!

I thought that this post should be about my least favorite "s" word, stress. It's going to be about what happens when I have stress and what I do to lower my stress level if I get too stressed.
As a nineteen year old with Autism, I always believe that the best perspective and source of information about Autism is from the Autistic person. I thought that since I'm currently stressed out right now about something, I figured I'd talk about it.
Stress is not my friend. Stress is my enemy. When I feel stressed, I tense up ten times worse than the average person. It's even worse when I'm tired and only have 4-7 hours of sleep (that case is today, did not sleep too well last night). How I react to stress is different than how the next Autistic person may react. Some might yell. Some might cry. Some might actually get violent. However with me, I have a meltdown. I cry for a while and squeeze my fingers. If I'm not crying, I'm rocking myself back and forth (which I am currently doing as we speak). I bite my fingernails. I feel like I want to pull my own hair out. I feel tense. I don't want to be messed with. It's a horrible feeling. And all the information that is being sent to my brain all day, every day, as well as my intense senses, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, help one bit. Again, some people are more and/or less Autistic than I am, so everyone reacts differently.
Since I'm so sensitive and vulnerable, it's hard for me to feel 100% better in 10-15 minutes, half an hour, or an hour. It sometimes goes on to three hours, happens off and on throughout the day, sometimes it can make feel stressed and grumpy all day and all night. In my life, I did manage to discover a few tips and things I can do to lower my stress a little bit. For example, a stress ball is great. If you do not have a stress ball, I HIGHLY recommend Play-Doh. I use Play-Doh as part of my "self therapy," but I mainly use it for stress. It works great because you're able to squeeze it and it works like a stress ball. Next thing I do, I punch a pillow. I don't punch my stuffed animals or my stuffed horse, Midnight Sheffield, that's not nice and I'll hurt their feelings (I was a kid when I first said that, don't judge me). I use a pillow. I want to take out my frustrations and stressed and take it out on my poor pillow, and that helps. Listening to music helps. That's all when I'm at home.
When I'm in public, let's say at school or at the grocery store, that's a whole different story. The messages being sent intensify. The noise is too much. So much is going on. I have to take very deeps breaths if I'm stressed out. I also count to ten in my head. Sometimes, I go up to 50. No matter where I am, one thing that really does help is talking to my mom, because she knows what stress is, and she can help me feel better. Even a hug from her would make me feel a little better. My dad is a great help, too. I also color and draw when I'm stressed, and it makes me feel a bit better.
Like I said, that's all how I feel and how I cope. Calling all Autism parents: what do YOU do when your Autistic child gets stressed? Leave comments below on the blog.
Thanks for reading this, guys.

When I Was In School...

First off, my allergies and mucus nightmare are GONE (THANK GOODNESS)!!!! So, I'm almost completely well. Second of all, I want to say a big congratulations to Wildwood Environmental Academy's graduating Class of 2015, more specifically, my little brother. He got his diploma last Friday, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Alright, so I asked you guys on my Instagram page on Friday what I should write about for this blog post. I was asked to write about my experiences  going and being at school, and how I was treated by peers. So, I'm doing just that. WARNING: I'm not going to sugar coat it and I'm not going to make it horrific. I'm telling it like it is. How I remember it. The 6-7 transfers I had to make. Both the good and bad will be mentioned. You have been warned.
So, in 1998, my mom got me in a preschool which deals with special needs children. I spent two years there. I remember my teacher, Miss Tammy, bless her heart for putting up with me. The reason I say this: the first year and a half, I couldn't talk! So, I couldn't tell her what was wrong or what I wanted to do. From January until about June, I was talking and potty trained, which might've made the year a bit more easier.
I loved it there. Then I started kindergarten at Old Orchard. Old Orchard is a PUBLIC school, so it wasn't a school like my preschool. My kindergarten teachers worked wonderfully with me. They became my favorite because at five, I had this Barney obsession, and they would turn on Barney VHS Tapes! The teachers were awesome, but a majority of the students, not so much. I was much more severe than where I am now, and I was constantly being pointed at, laughed at, teased, and bullied. One kid even ripped up a ghost picture I brought to class on the bus. I was coloring and drawing pictures, and almost every kid said I "scribbled scrabbled." I don't remember having one friend in kindergarten, other than the teachers, who have worked effortlessly to make sure I felt okay and safe and that I learned.
After that, I transferred for the third time to Elmhurst Elementary. I still remember the slogan: "Learn all you can, believe that you can, and be all you can." I'll never forget my teacher, Mrs. Bigham. She was so warm and loving. I, again was teased and made fun of, but this time, I had two friends who had my back, Britney and Kaitlyn (if you girls are reading this, I'm so sorry if I spelled your names wrong). First grade was when I was introduced to tutoring and OT to help me with my learning. Second grade, I transferred AGAIN for the fourth time, but this time, I stayed for second, third, and fourth grade. I went to Larchmont Elementary. My principal, Mr. Hanthorn, always made me feel like he was more like a friend than my principal, which was something I've never had before. Mr. Hanthorn, if you are reading this, I want to say that now every time I see frogs, I think about you! I also want to thank you for always making me feel welcome and for working with me for so long. I'll treasure you kindness forever.
It was there I found my love of music (Thank you, Mrs. Solether), and my love for art (Thank you, Mr. Louse [sorry if I spelled your name wrong]). My second grade teacher, Mrs. Damato, and my third grade teacher, Mrs. Gibbs, were so warm and understanding. They kept encouraging me and putting up with every tear, every meltdown, and every outburst I had. Again, I was teased by kids, most of them in higher grades than I was. They would make fun of me for watching Rolie Polie Olie, Barney, and my favorite at the time, Stanley. They also called me a baby for still believing in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. A girl even tricked me by saying her phone number was 911, and I ended up calling the police. I talked to myself because I literally had no one to talk to in second grade, and they'd make fun of me for that. Third grade, I became friends with Rachel Benham. I'm proud to say we've talked to each other a couple times because of Facebook. I also became friends with Lauren, Deidra, April, and Cierra, and thanks to social media, I been able to reconnect with them.
Second and third grade were great. Fourth grade is a WHOLE other story (this is where I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is reality). The friends I had were in the other fourth grade classroom, and I was in mine. I was alone, literally. The kids in my class, who sort of accepted me, also made fun of me. I'll never forget my fourth grade teacher, but it's for a horrible reason. She was a teacher who has continuously treated me in a bad way. She's called me a fat-faced liar, she would always send notes to my mom, all were the bad notes. She's even twisted my mom's own words. My mom said that I'm having trouble, and this teacher told me my mom said I was troubled, and I know with the loving mom I was blessed with, she never said I was a troubled kid. When the school year ended, I never wanted to go back to Larchmont, for that year alone.
In fifth grade, I was enrolled to a learning academy which started by a church friend of ours. I was enrolled, but then the school didn't start up. So, Wildwood came up as an option, but we couldn't get enrolled in at the time, and it was a small school at the time. So, the nightmare of going back to Larchmont came true. The only thing I was excited about was seeing Mr. Hanthorn and my friends again. Fifth grade ended up being okay, and the teacher was wonderful. Also in fifth grade, we had a day where we all stopped and honored a woman in our social studies class. We watched Rosa Parks' funeral that day.
I wanted to stay, but I couldn't. The school system, TPS, at the time, has told my parents that after 6th grade, or middle school, my IEP, OT, and tutoring would all be taken away. Shocked didn't even justified how they felt. So, we toured Wildwood Environmental Academy, and we found out that the school works with students with IEP's and special needs. It was a perfect fit, but I didn't like it at first. After the first day, I loved it.
Then WEA had another building for middle and high school. Seventh grade almost seemed like a repeat of fourth grade with my teacher. Eighth grade got better, because of new teachers, who have all stayed when I graduated. High school was tough for me emotionally, with my grandpa passing and the bullying. Ninth grade up until eleventh grade was great. In tenth grade, the bullying and terrible things got to me, and I ended up with a seven month depression. In eleventh and twelfth grade, I was bullied, yet again. This time, it hurt worse. I understood the words, I felt the shoves, I felt the fear. Luckily, my mom worked at the elementary school, so I was able to talk to the assistant principal. I will forever be grateful and appreciative to Mrs. Brimmer for allowing me to talk to her. Mrs. Lauer, my specialist suggested I write everything down in a journal to help heal the pain. Let me tell you, that helps.
The final months of twelfth grade, I decided to leave the hurt behind and look ahead. I gained more friends those months, I had wonderful memories in those months. And guess what. In May, at my senior prom, this Autistic girl (me) was crowned 2013 PROM QUEEN!! Then, on June 1, 2013, I graduated. I proved everybody who's doubted me wrong by walking across the stage and accepted my diploma.
So, overall, from kindergarten to fifth grade, it was pretty rough. However, because of being in a charter school from sixth to twelfth grade, the rest of my school days were pretty average and okay. I loved that charter school so much, I stop by from time to time to say hello and see old friends and old teachers. School gets tough at first, but over time, it gets easier and more manageable. You just can't give up and you have to keep being strong.
So, that's the blog. Sorry if it's a tad long, but I hope that my tales of experiences in school are relatable. I honestly want you guys to chime in by commenting on the blog. Again, please keep it nice and appropriate. Thank you guys.

My Thoughts On The Negative News Involving Autism...

Alright, guys. I know it's only two days since my last post, but I have a very good reason. I'm not the kind of Autistic person who always keeps her mouth shut about what's going on in the world. There are some opinions that I do keep to myself for personal reasons.
This is not one of those times. I'm speaking out as someone who has Autism and who has been through tough patches when out in public. I'm speaking as a voice that needs to NOW be heard.
I can't believe I'm about to say this. It's officially RANT TIME!!!
First off, for some time now, I've been hearing quite a few stories about parents neglecting their Autistic children. To those parents: WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU???? Those children need guidance, they need teaching, they need support, they need love and understanding. You're not supposed to neglect them because they "misbehave!" You're supposed to love them, teach them, and help them understand. They're special children and need you for understanding and love. I can't even wrap my head around the whole thing, it's that upsetting to me. These stories make me feel more than grateful I have the parents I have. They love me, teach me, explain things to me, talk to me, and they try to understand me. And they'll always love and care for me, and support me, and be there for me. It's not right to neglect an Autistic child.
Second, I'm pretty sure you've all heard about this. United Airlines kicked off a family with an Autistic teenager off the flight the captain didn't feel comfortable flying with her on the plane. What? Autistic children do have meltdowns, I have meltdowns from time to time. The people I applaud in this whole thing are the mother of Juliette and the passengers of the flight, who showed support toward the family. The people I do NOT, however, are everyone at United Airlines. So, you're telling me that if one of your passengers has Autism, especially if they are nonverbal, you're going to kick them off the plane over a ? Really? It not only makes absolutely no sense, it actually makes me pretty sick. Autistic people do have meltdowns. I still have a meltdown from time to time. We had sensory issues when it comes to food. I don't understand it. I really don't. It's not fair and it's not right. This is coming from someone who DOES HAVE Autism, as well as someone who's a PICKY EATER as well. I don't understand why you kicked them off when in reality, Autistic people have their moments and meltdowns. I just don't think it was the right thing to do if other passengers, paramedics, and police officers didn't see how the child was disruptive. It all comes down to Autism education. The people who've written the negative comments I've seen, as well as the airlines, need a little bit more knowledge about Autism before jumping into this type of conclusion. Well, now I know which airline NOT to use if I do get on a plane in my life.
It all boils down to Autism education. I just think society needs to learn more about Autism before jumping into any conclusions. I'm an Autistic nineteen year old girl, and I am speaking on behalf of every single Autistic individual in the world. We are not bad people, we are not spoiled brats either. We may get spoiled every once in a while because of accommodations, but we are not spoiled all the time. We don't mean any trouble or harm. We just don't understand and we don't know how to express emotions and feelings. We aren't trying to cause trouble or create a scene. We want to be heard and understood. We want to be accepted and welcomed with open arms. I hope to see more positive Autism news stories in the future.
Ok, rant over.

My Day In Detroit!!!!!

So, in my last post, Patience Is Tough, I very briefly mentioned my Detroit trip that I had this past Friday (5/8), and I didn't go too crazy into details because I wanted to share this amazing experience on a separate post. I figured since I'm on summer break, and also because I am currently allergy stricken, I'll tell you all about my trip.
We left the school at around 8:35 am, and we drove for an hour to get to the Henry Ford Museum so we can take the bus to the Ford Rouge Factory. Once we got there, some of us had to make a quick pit stop, and then we got our tickets for the factory tour. We got on the buses, and these buses kind of resemble the inside of a subway on the inside. There were metal poles lined up in the aisle of the bus, little grip ropes near the front, and there were seats that were facing the front of the bus, the left of the bus, and the right of the bus. Of course, curious, Autistic little me likes to sit in the back, and I sat in a seat facing the left. It wasn't what I was used to, but I quickly warmed up to it.
When we got to the factory, they told us the rules regarding food, drink, and photography. We first had to see two different presentations. The first was a 10-15 minute informational movie about the history of Henry Ford and the factory. Real quick: you know that expression: "save the best for last?" Well, they did with the second presentation. It was a presentation of the NEW Ford F150! It was a small scaled, white, dull looking F150 sculpture, but what happened, oh it was cool. There's this podium, and this podium has a little door. Side note: I'm being dead serious as I'm about to say this. The door opens, fog is coming out, and the F150 sculpture arises from inside the podium with fog surrounding it. As I said, I'm being totally dead serious. It happened just as I described it. It was that cool.
However, I felt a tad tense. It's not a little bit, just a tad. There were robots involved, and at first I was really worried of the robots. They make these wear noises and movements, and that freaked me out a bit, but I had to remember that these were programmed as part of the interactive presentation and that they weren't going to harm me. They had these different graphics on the little, white sculpture that were so cool! Overall, the second presentation had to be my favorite.
From there, we started our tours. The first place we visited was on the roof (not literally, it's basically the very top story of the building). The tour guide explained to us what everything outside was and where the environmental innovations were, and the view was simply extraordinary. I saw the skyline of downtown Detroit. It was really cool. Then, the factory! We weren't allowed to take pictures of the F150 making process, but I wish we were because it was so cool to see. I was worried a little bit because factories are loud, and I don't handle loud noises too well. It was actually much more quiet than I expected, but how these trucks were made was really fascinating to see. Then, we looked at the cars in the lobby and observed the new F150. If you're a Ford truck person, you'll really like it. It looks so beautiful (I'm not being sarcastic. I'm dead serious).
Then, we went back to the Museum where we ate lunch and explored until 3:30 pm. I ate at the American Dog place, and I see the famous WienerMobile. Of course, I got my picture taken with it. I was walking with my new buddy, Vernique, and we saw all of the exhibits. We checked out an exhibit where it featured different decades which was pretty cool, and we basically checked out every exhibit. They had a section featuring race cars, and it was really cool. The Driving America exhibit was the one I really wanted to see, and it was really cool. The museum featured trains, buses, planes, and mostly cars from different decades. Side note: I'm not a car person, so the fact that I'm saying that it was awesome means it is.
At 3:35, we headed to Comerica Park to see the Detroit Tigers take on the Kansas City Royals for first place. At 5:00 pm, we checked into the VIP Tiger Club where we were treated to dinner. I had three chili dogs with a Pepsi. We were given these bands that will allow us to come back during the game. After I ate, I bought souvenirs (obviously), and then I went to my seat for the big game. I've never been in a ballpark that big before, but I was too excited to even think about getting tense and getting overwhelmed. On the fifth inning, with all the yelling and all the people and all the bright lights, I began feeling a tad overwhelmed. That feeling came five seconds before it began to rain. So, some of us headed back to the Tiger Club to stay until the rain stopped. I was so incredibly thankful for that because that gave me the chance to take a breather and recharge until I didn't feel overwhelmed anymore. I think I stayed in there for about 15 minutes tops. After the rain stopped, some of us left the Tiger Club. I went back to see the game after I got out of the elevator.
It's the ninth inning, the game is tied 5-5, Detroit is up to bat. First batter hits a two base run. Second batter, everyone is now on their feet. The second batter hits another two base run, which then leads the first batter to run home and be safe, and that run picks up the victory for the Tigers! It went bananas in Comerica Park. The Tigers won the big game! My first MLB game was officially a success.
Then at 10:30pm, we boarded our rental van, and we went home. We arrived back at my school at 11:45pm and my dad picked me up, and we both went home. During the car ride, my sugar high was gone, and the pain and soreness in my feet and legs kicked in. I was walking a lot that day, and I'm STILL a bit sore. Honestly, the soreness is all worth it from the awesome day I had in Detroit.

Here are some pictures I took and sent from Vernique I wanted to share:

The Automotive Hall of Fame

The view of the Detroit skyline I was talking about.

Here's my picture with the WienerMobile. Yes, I was a bit starstruck.

The ACTUAL bus Rosa Parks sat in!

Me at the Driving America exhibit! It was so cool!

My two tickets, and sadly the last pic I took before my phone died on me.

Vernique sent me this pic of me at the game. Yes, that is a Silly Straw, and yes, I did buy it, and YES, I did use it at the game. It's the coolest straw I've ever used and owned.

Patience Is Tough

I decided that this post would focus on the virtue of patience. I chose patience because there are going to be some exciting things happening in the next nine days that I am really excited about that I need to be patient and calm about.
As an Autistic nineteen year old, I have this little thing I go by called "The Normal Regular World." What that means is I go to places I'm used to going, I hang out with the same people, I do the same things. It's basic, regular, and recognizable. Most importantly, it's the same, which is what I like. I do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT enjoy waiting in suspense for surprises. I also do not enjoy little last minute stuff. When those things approach me, I want to know about it. I always ask these questions: "Where are we going?" "What are we doing?" "Will I have fun?" "Will there be food there I like?" "Will there be people I know?" "Will I be okay here?" The answer I get is the same (irony moment): "Just wait and see, and enjoy the ride."
Key word: WAIT. Patience and I are not good friends. I don't like waiting for stuff because I either get too excited or too worried. In this case, it's both. Next week is my last week of school until my three and a half month long summer vacation, so I'm pretty excited about that. Next Friday, I'm going on a school trip to DETROIT, and we're doing some cool stuff, so I'm pretty stoke about that. That same day, I'll be seeing the Tigers play for the first time! I'm a baseball fan, so you can probably bet I am super, super excited for that!! I have the same plan (again, irony moment): take it one day at a time. I'm already getting excited just writing this and thinking about it!
However, here's where the worry kicks in: summer vacation. The last time I had a full summer vacation was two years ago in 2013! I took summer classes last year, and I've gotten used to it already! I took summer off because I figured it'll do me some good to take a little breather and enjoy what summer might bring. Here's the problem: I don't know what summer will bring. I'm the type of Autistic person who likes to know things ahead of time, and plan things. I already know I got to do some things for the book, and I know I'll be with my family. I just don't know what I'll be doing. In Toledo, summer can be very surprising or very ordinary. I'll just leave it up to God and my mom and dad to decide.
My mom always says to me, "Taylor, you need to broaden your horizons." That means to try something new. I think that will officially be my summer goal this year: trying new things, adjust to last minute surprises, and to be more patient and trying to enjoy the ride.

Too Loud, Too Much To Handle

Yesterday was not such a good day for me, mentally. I woke up at 6:40 am, which is way early for me, so I was already exhausted. But that wasn't what got me worked up and tense and on the verge of breaking down.
As some of you know, some Autistic people are sensitive to a lot of noise or too much noise at once. Yeah, yesterday was one of those days for me. I said that because all day, I had a very unexpected visitor. The construction workers, and their very vocal machines. In Toledo, you have to expect a visit from them because they're going to be in the street for a while.
So, I was trying to finish off some homework, but all I kept hearing was trucks moving back and forth, beep, beep, beep, BANG, and the ever so lovely screeeeeecchh!! I activated Plan A; listening to music with my headphones. Five minutes later, it works. Ten minutes later, it stops working. The beeps seemed louder. Then I thought, well, there's always a Plan B.
Plan B was watching my WWE DVDs or Days of our Lives. DOOL so happened to be on, so I watched that, then I switched to Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The bangs and screeches seemed to have multiplied and gotten louder. So, Plan A was a flunk, Plan B was a tremendous failure. Plan C was putting on the red headphones I usually wear on the Fourth of July that I got at a racetrack. I went downstairs to see if they were down there, which was a big mistake.
The construction workers were working on fixing the gas in our street so our gas can be safe. I've only seen the toy trucks and videos of them and I was fine. But this time, there was one in front of my house on the street! I was so petrified! Not only by the size of the thing, but the scoop, the noises it was making, and what it was capable of digging into, in this case: dirt and cement!
So, that sight I saw helped push me closer to the edge. I called my mom because I was really freaked out. I was crying, I wanted to stop them but my mom carefully and calmly told me that they were fixing the gas so we can be safe. After nine long hours, I was FINALLY on my way to school. I knew that they'd be done when I got home and they were. I don't know when they'll be back again, but like I said, I have to expect it next time, and keep my red headphones at hand. (I found them last night in my room :) )

All About Me And The Blog

So, this is my very first blog post!! I'm so excited about the posts and conversations that are to come!
I've made the big decision to do a blog after asking friends and family members, as well as my friends (followers) on Instagram. So, all weekend, I've thought about it, and I decided to do it!
First off, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
My name is Taylor. I'm a Non-denominational Christian and in college working my way to an Associate's Degree for Graphic Design. I'm currently 19 years old (20 in August). Right off the bat you might think I'm a pretty normal 19 year old girl. A 19 year old girl who got saved at six years old and baptized at seven, and who loves God and Jesus with all her heart, soul, and strength. A 19 year old who gets good grades in school, who likes to read books (NOT e-books), who likes to do arts and crafts, who listens to country music, who likes being on her laptop and iPod, who likes watching her WWE DVDs, Days of our Lives, and Mama's Family, who likes looming things on her Rainbow Loom and MonsterTail. That's pretty much me in a nutshell, but I have something inside my brain that makes me very different. I have Autism.
I was diagnosed in 1998 at the age of two (or three depending the month). First off, that was back when Autism was so incredibly rare, and all we had were books from doctors who at the time thought they knew what Autism was and how it affects every child. I was told that I'd never talk, walk, be potty-trained, and I'd have to live in a nursing home. Well, I started walking at three, I became potty-trained at four, and I said my first words, "I love you, mommy," to my mom in December 1999. I speak very well, and I'm still living at home, so that settles that. I was also told I'd never graduate high school, get accepted into college, and succeed. Well, I graduated high school on June 1, 2013, got accepted into the college I'm currently going with a 164/130 ACT score, and I've so far made the Dean's List, Honor's List, and President's List. So, that's settled.
However, don't let these amazing accomplishments fool you. I'm still Autistics. These were roadblocks I've conquered with my faith, and through a lot of prayer. I still have so much work to do before I can call myself "okay." I still have sensory overloads from time to time. I'm paranoid of fire and candles. I can't handle loud noises. I don't like being in small spaces with a lot of people. I hate a lot of flashing lights. I hate being in crowds. I break down when I get worked up. I get upset if I'm too stressed. I love to touch things. I also learn excellently through pictures because that's how I think. I still have a way to go, but I want YOU to join me.
I'm right now working on a children's book about Autism that has NO medical research, because hearing about Autism from an Autistic person's perspective is a very valuable resource. I also did this blog to connect with you. I want to hear what you have to say, and I want to answer any questions that you all may have. I'm also on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to connect with you as well, and I'll leave links below.
Now, with all that being said, let's get this journey started!!
Taylor

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